how’d that workout for ya?
ehhhh. So so.
first attempt was during a workout with my boyfriend at a playground the other day. I wear shorts around the house and hes only known me since december, so i filled him in that i had only worn shorts to the beach 2x and that sums up my experience wearing shorts in public since junior high. I asked him if i looked crazy, he said no, and off we went.
During the workout I was feeling insecure. I could see him looking at my legs and i was feeling self conscious about it. In one part of the workout i was kicking and theres just soooo muchhhh movement. The thing is, getting skin removal doesnt make your skin tighter. your skin actual skin on your body is still loose. the removal does just that, removes some of it so it wont hang and wrinkle. but its not suctioned to your body all of a sudden. even my belly, which looks and feels super tight when i am standing, hangs forward a little bit still. I dont know if he is not seeing what i am seeing, if he just doesnt find it as unattractive as i do, or if he was trying to make me feel better, but when we were leaving my boyfriend did say to me “I dont know why youre worried about wearing shorts in public. your legs look good,” and that was the right thing to say.
even if it doesnt line up with what i saw. while doing the kicks i deff saw floppy sloppy hot mess looking movement on my thighs and inner knees. the thing is, I couldve done the thigh lift that runs down the whole inside of the thigh to the knee, but i opted out of it so i wouldnt have a scar all the way to my knee. This is what i chose. my legs look much better than before skin removal, but they are stlll something to get used to.
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I ended up making a video of myself doing some of the moves we did so i could see what other people would be seeing. I did NOT like what i saw. I felt sad. Ive wanted to work out in shorts for so long (i live in south florida, its hot) and i kept thinking once i had skin removal it would be ok. well, unfortunately when i am moving fast, its still very clear my skin is loose. I had feared this day. I always thought “my body is melted and fucked up right now, but this is my body. This is the body i was born with. This is just the way it is. i accept it” and i thought to myself “what happens if i am unhappy with my plastic surgery?! this wont be just the body i was given, it will be body i paid for!” what a nightmare that would be. But here i am, realizing all the plastic surgery in the world isnt going to give me the perfect body, and i am not even mad or sad. I feel like i lost 140lbs. i worked out hard. i ran a marathon. i spent $10,000 on skin removal surgery. i did EVERYTHING IN MY POWER and this is what i ended up with. Love it or hate it, I LOVE IT.
but just because i love it doesnt mean it is not going to take effort to be OK with what other peoples opinions might be. I still need to get comfortable being in shorts in public and feeling out whether i will get looks or not. So today when a client cancelled last minute and i had some unexpected free time, i decided to go on a beach run. in a bikini and mesh shorts. I got a good 2 miles in and i felt AMAZING. i got some video of myself running and as i was analyzing it i realized, i saw just as saggy and jiggly running as at the park the other day. but i also realized that for every second my legs looked scary, there was another second they looked awesome.
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I lost the shorts and did some beach yoga. I was not getting any rude looks or laughing and pointing or snickering. It was so awesome. No one gave a fuck. On my way home, i cried. I decided to make a video because i just wanted to talk to you guys but i couldnt type. It was good to be able to get it right out, theres a lot i often want to say and dont because the emotion had left me by the time i get to a computer to post. but if i just make a video real quick i can get it right out. Plus, some people dont like to read and ive been known to write short novels LOL
i shared the video on my facebook page and it actually got a really good response! apparently people like it when you really share your emotions! the thing is, i do here all the time lol but not as many people are willing to read my story as watch it. My new friend Raquel from Miami Fit Wear even called me and left the sweetest voice message just encouraging and uplifting me, in response to my video as well. 11 of my friends and family shared it,including my newly hired life coach (for a lack of better terms. if your life needs a turn around or you just need help reaching your full potential you gotta check her out). I am just feeling SO BLESSED to have so many loving and supportive and positive people around me. A few short years ago i truly felt like i didnt have a single soul in the world to lean on, and now that i have crawled out from under that miserable and dark and gloomy rock i was living under, the amazing people and life experiences are just so abundant. and i know how the universe works, so when i like it i scream THANK YOUUUUUUUUUU and i get even more of it. It’s so freaking amazing. For most of my life i had no faith in anything. It feels so good to feel so protected and watched out for and CARE FREE for once! I think i have finally accepted that i am deserving and worthy of good life experiences and good people, therefor they just keep showing up 🙂 Anyways, remember a while ago i said i was going to start using youtube more? today sealed that deal. hope youre all ready! 🙂
CLICK HERE to see the video i posted to facebook on my drive home.
at the beach today!
click to play.